


Blind & Unwise

by starxrossing (humanyubel)



Category: Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon | Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon, Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon | Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Age Difference, Anime/Manga Fusion, Bisexual Female Character, Emotional Infidelity, F/F, F/M, First Kiss, Forced Marriage, Friends to Lovers, Gen, Happy Ending, He/Him Lesbian, Multi, Mutual Pining, No I don't condone cheating in most circumstances., Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Playing Matchmaker for yourself, Sailor Moon R, Slow Burn, Time Travel, Time Travel Fix-It, Unhealthy Relationships, White Wedding, Working on that part though., Yes Starfighter and Serenity kiss., Yes she's still married., nonbinary lesbian, really self indulgent and honestly what we deserve
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-06
Updated: 2019-06-06
Packaged: 2020-04-11 18:01:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19114870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/humanyubel/pseuds/starxrossing
Summary: Queen Serenity is trapped in a loveless marriage. As the time for her to travel back to the past approaches, she tasks herself an addition mission. One that could change everything.This is very much uh a hard critique of Mamoru's and Usagi's relationship. Don't bother reading this if you hardcore stan it.





	Blind & Unwise

**Author's Note:**

  * For [werewolfnurse](https://archiveofourown.org/users/werewolfnurse/gifts).

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two (almost) paramours meet in the aromatic garden. Under the cover of moonlight, one can hardly distinguish them from any other tryst.

“I wasn’t so sure you’d show up.” Queen Serenity confesses from where she watches the reflective pool shoot up water in graceful arcs.

 

The garden is abandoned save for them and the vast population of green.

 

Evening-Scented Stock, Moonflower- a fast-growing vine that would easily find its way underfoot had it not been for the careful attention paid to it, Night Phlox, Daylily, Night-Blooming Cereus, Tropical Night-Blooming Water Lilies, Evening Primrose, Four O'Clocks, and many more.

 

Amongst them a single red rose bush painstakingly cared for and shaped into a heart.

 

The leaves and flowers cast the area into an ethereal haze, only intensified by the reflective pool.

 

Flower upon flower scent the air, coming together to create a romantic perfume.

 

How fitting.

 

“I’m nothing if not punctual.” Starfighter says, approaching her.

 

He doesn’t kneel, long past such formalities and not subservient to her. Though he does bow at the waist with a flourish. Movements so exaggerated that they can’t possibly be fully sincere.

 

They can barely make one another out bathed in moonlight. But it can be said that Queen Serenity is impossibly stubborn.

 

She strains her eyes to drink in the sight of him, committing each and every discernable feature and difference to heart.

 

His hair is short, much shorter than it had been when they had met in her youth. Curly black hair ending just below his ears. It fans out around his head and face fluffy as a cloud. Dark curls soften his face to the point that she’d admit he’s picturesque. Even in such poor lighting.

 

His physique is more honed after many long years of separation and training. Every time she saw him she swore he stole more starlight from the heavens to light up his smile.

 

Its humid in the garden. Almost as humid as earth during their time together had been. Usagi feels sweat cool in the small of her back.

 

His bare skin is also covered in rapidly cooling perspiration, glittering like diamonds.

 

He does his best to disguise his heavy breathing, but Serenity knows.

 

He had run to her just as he always had and probably always would.

 

She’s filled with a longing strong enough to send lesser men to their knees. Queen Serenity luckily is no man.

 

The flush of heat in her veins cannot safely be blamed on humidity alone.

 

Her heart flutters with excitement and she does her best to stifle the feeling. Compartmentalize it at least, as she had done for centuries already. Hating every moment of it, but finding relief in not acknowledging the elephant in the room.

 

She averts her gaze from the hard line of his abs, visible through his sailor scout attire.

 

Taking in the sight of his long, toned legs and strong biceps leave her in a similar state of affected well being. She feels faint just being able to stand together with him.

 

His dark blue eyes bore into her very soul. Watching her, just the same as each time before, as if it were the last time he’d be allowed to.

 

“It’s been awhile, Odango.” he murmurs.

 

He doesn’t draw closer like they both want him to. They keep a respectable distance like two magnets held a wingspan apart.

 

"You flatter.” her words come out more dry and sarcastic than intended.

 

They share a look and there are so many things left unsaid between them. Though they both know every word despite never uttering any.

 

"I aim to please," he says easily.

 

"I thought you aimed to serve your princess.” Serenity can’t withhold the bitterness that leaches into her words.

 

"Yes. Well, you have your duties as I have mine," she watches as he spares another quick survey of her.

 

Eyes tracing the elegant, billowing folds of her gown, long white-blonde hair swaying in the breeze. His eyes narrow in on her hand where a golden wedding band glimmers "Clearly."

 

"Sometimes we all have to do things we don’t want to..."

 

“Is that ‘responsibility’ or simply submitting to others and doing as they please?” Starfighter questions, a hand reaching out to idly stroke the white petals of a Night-blooming Cereus. His eyes never stray from her own.

 

“I’ve come to consider the possibility that maybe it’s allowing others to dictate your life as though you’re playing a part in a school play.”

 

“Maybe our play would be Macbeth, or Hamlet. Surely something tragic as a stranger weaves our lives into social commentary.”

 

Starfighter snaps off the flower and brings it to his face to inhale the sweet scent for himself.

 

“I can’t help but admit that maybe you’re right, Sailor Starfighter.”

 

She watches as he twirls the flower delicately around his fingers.

 

“But we didn’t rendezvous for idle talk about plays, now did we?”

 

“No, no we didn’t.” Serenity agrees.

 

“What is it you truly want? What do you get out of our sparse exchanges? Is it simply a reunion between old _friends_ to assuage all worries and absolve guilt?”

 

“I can’t say it. It’s too painful.” His words cut deeply and he can see as much and quite plainly.

 

He’s torn between comforting her and screaming into a blackhole for a good long while.

 

“Painful because you’re a pacifist?”

 

Serenity bites her lip, shaking her head.

 

"You know, maybe it’s foolish of me but… I still wonder if maybe... Maybe you’ll come around. I wonder if maybe there will come a time that I won’t have to prolong time between visits because it breaks my heart to see you living without me when you could be. It almost breaks my heart as much as the long spans of time without seeing your smile. To not see your cornflower eyes is a crime and punishment all at once.”

 

Serenity’s eyes tear up. She takes several steps towards him, long white gown trailing behind her. A gentle _swish swish swish_ sound born out of deliberate movement.

 

"I.. Oh Starfighter,” he’s tensed up as if expecting them to come to blows. Shoulders are drawn up tight and jaw set. But his eyes are open and vulnerable. “I find myself longing for your companionship more often than not. I never would have admitted that in my naive youth. But I will now."

 

Her words aren’t nearly as elegant as his, but they’re just as heartfelt. A simmering attraction and gentle adoration wrapped up and tied off with a neat little bow.

 

"...And you still stay with him? I’ve wanted you for centuries and I’ll want you for eons and then on."

 

"You’re still a poet, how lovely."

 

They’re less than a foot apart, and yet Serenity draws closer.

 

"And you’re still a woman who settles."

 

Starfighter leans down just as Serenity leans up, only several breaths separating their faces.

 

“Seiya…” Serenity whispers. The tension between them heavier than several tons.

 

“Odango…?” Starfighter’s (mostly) carefully crafted facade of composure shatters. He looks just as scared and regretful as she.

 

This close Usagi can see the emotions flickering through his eyes rapid-fire. He’s as easy to read as herself.

 

Though perhaps that wasn’t quite true. She’d taken to covering mirrors since Mamoru had left for his study abroad centuries ago. Forcefully not allowing herself such introspective looks into her thoughts and feelings.

 

Seiya had always been easy to read. Such naked want and love in his deep blue eyes. Every action spoke volumes of his feelings. Every exhale in her direction an exalted confession.

 

Had Mamoru… had King Endymion ever wanted her as wholly as Seiya had? If so those times had since long past. Left to scatter out of sight and out of mind like sand in the wind.

 

She cups his cheek in the palm of her ringless hand. He melts into the touch, his free hand resting over his.

 

He's so warm.

 

"We can’t." Seiya gently reminds her.

 

"We can’t." Usagi echoes, closing the distance between them. Her arms wind around his neck, holding him close for as long as they both dared.

 

They meet in a kiss that is simultaneously all too much and not enough.

 

It’s everything she’s ever wanted. A chaste contact that romance authors had tried to convey into text since the beginning of time. A kiss she dreamed of and had yet to have. Only her kisses from Haruka had come close to this.

 

But this time she was actively participating. She lead the kiss, instead of letting it be a passive act simply done to her. It isn’t a kiss that is taken by force courtesy of her adversaries. It isn’t a kiss Haruka had needed for strength.

 

She tilts her head to the side and deepens the kiss.

 

It’s perfect in all its imperfections. Seiya’s lips are chapped, they’re both uncoordinated and sweaty, and Usagi has to get up on her toes to properly kiss him.

 

Briefly, she wonders if Seiya’s ever kissed anyone or if he was always like this. Burning passion that grew frantic and all-consuming with each passing second. It was all-encompassing and Usagi finds herself unfairly jealous of all of Seiya’s possible past lovers.

 

Out in her garden surrounding by the fragrance of hundreds of flowers and plants, she wonders if he had ever kissed his princess with such fervor? Or had that been a noble love born of duty and devotion?

 

The last time she knew for sure he had kissed anyone was their very first goodbye. Kissing her tears away like a fairy tale prince. Like she had always dreamed Mamoru would.

 

Seiya’s hands shake from where they delicately rest against her hips. She can feel how even in a moment of passion he’s so thoughtful as to not crush the Night-blooming Cereus.

 

He groans quietly against her lips as she slips her tongue into his mouth.

 

This wasn’t appropriate conduct on either party’s part.

 

Usagi wonders if Princess Kakyuu had ever gotten him to flush so deeply. She discards that thought as quickly as it comes, disliking the stab of flames in her heart.

 

Usagi pulls away reluctantly.

 

They’re both panting, Seiya’s chest rises and falls, looking for all intents and purposes, as though the life’s been kissed right out of him.

 

She had done that.

 

She’s similarly affected.

 

"We can’t." she insists, trying to tell herself she couldn’t do this. They had lives to live and roles to play even if they wanted other things for themselves.

 

She licks her lips. Unable to shake the sensation of his against her own. She can taste a faint trace of cinnamon that always seemed to linger around him.

 

A whine escapes Seiya and that’s a sound that will truly haunt her for all of eternity.

 

Mamoru had never sounded like that. Had never sounded like kissing wasn’t a chore and simply a precursory means to an end.

 

Usagi knows this will be her ruin, love for Seiya when they’re separated physically and emotionally from one another.

 

She could punch her past self for not fully reciprocating to his flirting. He’d been so sincere and still, she had doubted him and written him off. Despite the way her heart soared.

 

If she gave in fully to her own desires and sought out a life with Seiya now, nothing good would come of it. She’d have a husband who continued to grow more and more distant by the hour.

 

She’d still have a daughter who couldn’t understand the rift in their relationship.

 

Seiya would still have his princess to serve and duties as one of the three lights to attend to.

 

They were no longer teens free to run away and live life as they please.

 

Responsibilities weighed them both down like wet clothing under cinder block.

 

Seiya looks ready to bolt. He searches her face, blue eyes blown wide.

 

“Odango,” Seiya licks his lips and Usagi follows the movement like a starving woman.

 

“I don’t think this is a good idea… please don’t do this to me… to us.”

 

“I should have done this forever ago. We both know this.”

 

Seiya audibly swallows.

 

“Convince me to stay.” he pleads.

 

“Please stay, I love you.”

 

She takes his hand and leads him to a marble bench.

 

Usagi rests her head against his bicep and he wraps an arm around her shoulders, hugging her against his side tight.

 

If only she had said she loved him back when he’d left with the others and Princess Kakyuu. If only she’d admitted to the truth in her heart.

 

Like this, it’s easy to imagine they’re in high school again. Maybe Seiya and her had cuddled after they practiced for the softball match. Maybe they’d watch the moon rise high into the sky as all the red of the sunset bled out.

 

Maybe she’d feel warm skin against her cheek and peer up to see him blushing. Happy they were together.

 

It’s easy to rewrite the memory and have their practice a simple date.

 

“I would have told you I loved you too. I wanted to, the words were there. Lodged in my throat as everyone watched us so closely.” Usagi admits.

 

“I had wondered,” Seiya says. There’s a deepseated look of exhaustion on his face.

 

She presses gentle kisses to his cheeks.

 

“I wanted to ask you to stay.”

 

“I would have if you had asked.” Usagi sighs, tears finally spilling.

 

She cries into his shoulder.

 

“I’m so sorry, Seiya.”

 

“We all make mistakes. I wouldn’t… I wouldn’t force you to do anything.” his voice comes out thick and stilted.

 

When she looks at his face she sees the way fat tears roll silently down his cheeks.

 

She tilts her head up to kiss him again. It’s salty between the two of them.

 

“Seiya… I have a confession.”

 

Usagi traces idle patterns into his bare arm and watches the goosebumps form.

 

“Hmm?” his full attention is on her, and that’s always been overwhelming.

 

“How much did you love me when we first knew each other then?” his eyebrows furrow at the sudden topic change. He hesitates only a moment before answering her.

 

“Not nearly as much as I love you now. My love has only grown and will continue to do so.”

 

Usagi sniffles.

 

“I’m ChibiChibi. I am meant to travel to the past. Everyone I love is lost and I go back in time because there’s- there’s no one left. Nothing of worth.” Usagi watches as his eyebrows rise up nearly all the way into his hairline.

 

“I’m meant to assist my past self and combat Chaos as Sailor Cosmos.”

 

Seiya takes both of her hands in his, eyes searching her face.

 

“... Just what is this supposed to mean?”

 

“Maybe _we_ can’t… but maybe _they_ can?” something darkens in Seiya’s eyes.

 

“Odango-”

 

“I have no shortage of regrets from that time. From before that even, but I’m meant to help the past me at that time.”

 

She won’t look at him.

 

“Everyone was lost. Everyone. I kept trying to contact Mamoru when I should’ve given up- but I clung to it. That one scrap of stability. I used him as a crutch, and maybe that was wrong of me- but I was too young. I was too young for him, Seiya. I should’ve left when I still could.” Usagi takes a deep breath.

 

“I should never have let you get hurt that time. I shouldn’t have kept denying your presence in my life.” Usagi looks up at Seiya through her eyelashes.

 

“I shouldn’t have let Sailor Aluminium Siren or Sailor Lead Crow die. That marked an end to it all I think… When Sailor Iron Mouse died that was the very start, setting the dominos in place only for Sailor Aluminum Siren to start the fall.”

 

“You do realize what you’re proposing?” Seiya’s words come out slow like he isn’t sure they’re speaking the same language anymore.

 

“I don’t know if I’ll succeed. But if I do… they’ll live as we should have. There will be a Kou Seiya and and Tsukino Usagi happily in love somewhere- sometime. That I can assure you.”

 

“Usagi…” Seiya whispers. Something breaks in her at the sound of her name on his lips.

 

She kisses him again, giving it her all. It’s all he can do to keep up with her sudden determination.

 

As something breaks into her, it is repaired with gold along the cracks. Stronger than it’s ever been, like kintsugi.

 

They sit together in the garden for hours, until the light of day nearly reaches them.

 

Responsibilities and duties momentarily cast aside. Usagi was Queen Serenity and Seiya was Sailor Starfighter. That’s all _they_ could be.

 

Usagi remembers her time with ChibiChibi and knows she’ll have to return to the past herself one day. Soon enough. Hopefully ahead of schedule.

 

She takes in Seiya’s profile, the serene look on his face. He’s taken comfort in this just as much as she has. And that for some reason comes as a great relief and surprise.

 

Maybe they couldn’t. But if she nudged her younger self in the right direction...

 

The next morning Princess Kakyuu and the Three Lights return to their home planet.

 

The next morning King Endymion and Queen Serenity’s wedding bed is empty when the king awakens. 

**Author's Note:**

> god this is brutal


End file.
